Transition Period Support: Neurodivergent Community

Advice for going through a transition period in life and feeling like I’m losing friends, unhappy with life & feeling more isolated (30F, black, neurodivergent) Hi! Sorry for the long post 😅 I (30F) have lived in Austin since 2016, and had a pretty strong community of people here before I started my journey to getting an Autism/ADHD diagnosis. The more I tried to function as a neurotypical person, the more burnt out I became resulting in the loss of a lot of connections and a loss of community now that I spend almost all my free time at home (I’m not as able-bodied as I used to be in 2016). My best friend used to live in Austin, but had to move back to her home town because Austin was just getting too expensive, and she was going through a transition period in her life. I feel like ever since she moved away, we haven’t been as close as we used to be when we were both living here, and I feel like even though neither of us are acknowledging it, we might be growing further apart. My undiagnosed neurodivergence is starting to have a much bigger affect on my life to the point where sometimes, I can’t be present for my friends the way I want to be (replying to texts, etc). For her, she’s actually moving out of the country to pursue her PhD (I’m so fucking proud of her) and my fear is that this might push us further apart because our lives are going in different directions. It’s getting harder for me to mask my neurodivergent symptoms, which means I’m not the same person that everyone I’ve met in Austin used to know, which only makes me feel more alienated as I struggle to navigate those friendships and relationships. I’m currently pursuing my MFA and even in my academic life, I feel so behind on everything. My cohort has been great and are super talented, but they seem to have a better idea on what they want their future to look like after this program while I’m not sure. Financial stability and survival are my main concerns and I can only afford to look at what my next MONTH will look like instead of what I want my career to look like in, say, 5 years. I feel like this program is my last shot to launch me into my dream career before I just give up for good. As an artist, I feel like a “failed investment” because of a couple of projects I did that didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to (I also had issues with people being unreliable, and also not having the best for my art in mind, and disrespecting me as an artist). I don’t find joy in my art anymore, and I don’t feel confident in myself as I pursue my Masters in my chosen field. I just feel like everyone is giving up on me. Not to mention, my home country is in shambles and I’m constantly worried about my family (my parents and other relatives live in my home country), and about the health of my sibling (my sibling got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease this month). Also, my journey towards getting a diagnosis as a Black neurodivergent woman has been absolute hell: lots of gaslighting. When I try to talk about all of this to my best friend/ close friends, I’m always met with what I feel is insincerity and dismissal before the subject changes entirely. But when my friends talk about the struggles going on in their personal lives, I feel like they’re given more room to express how they feel (and I try to respect what they’re going through as well). I can’t even count how many times, I’ve mentioned something in our group chats where I just wanted to talk about something going on in my life where I was met with the equivalent of a “damn that sucks”, or no one replies and the subject changes to someone else. I do have a therapist and she’s been very helpful, but I also feel like on top of therapy, having an understanding community to talk to would be very helpful. What am I doing wrong? I feel like this is a lot to go through, but I’m expected to minimize my pain for the sake of everyone else’s comfort. I always get compliments on how well I’m handling everything, but I feel like I’m dying inside, and even though I know my future might look very different after I graduate, I feel lost and unheard. So again, what am I doing wrong and how can I change that? Thanks for reading. I know this was long.

Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly. It sounds like you're navigating an incredibly challenging period in your life, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed and isolated. Here are some strategies and suggestions that might help you manage these transitions and find a sense of community and stability: ### 1. **Acknowledge Your Feelings** - **Validation:** It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. You're going through a lot, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed, isolated, and unsure about the future. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment. ### 2. **Seek Specialized Support** - **Support Groups:** Look for support groups specifically for Black neurodivergent individuals. These groups can provide a safe space to share experiences and receive understanding and advice from people who relate to your situation. - **Online Communities:** Platforms like Reddit, Facebook, or specific forums may have communities that cater to neurodivergent individuals. These can be great places to find solidarity and support. ### 3. **Communicate with Your Friends** - **Express Needs:** When you feel comfortable, have a candid conversation with your friends about your needs. Explain how their responses make you feel and what kind of support you need from them. - **Set Boundaries:** It's also okay to set boundaries with friends who aren't providing the support you need. Focus on those who show empathy and understanding. ### 4. **Reconnect with Your Art** - **Rediscover Joy:** Try to reconnect with the joy of creating art without the pressure of success. Engage in small, low-stakes projects that you find enjoyable. - **Community Projects:** Consider joining collaborative art projects or workshops where you can meet new people and share your passion without the pressure of leading a project. ### 5. **Focus on Self-Care** - **Routine:** Establish a self-care routine that includes activities that help you relax and recharge. This could be as simple as a daily walk, meditation, or engaging in a hobby. - **Health:** Pay attention to your physical health. Proper nutrition, exercise, and sleep can significantly impact your mental and emotional well-being. ### 6. **Career and Academic Concerns** - **Small Steps:** Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on what you can do today or this week rather than worrying about the distant future. - **Career Services:** Utilize career services at your institution. They can provide guidance, resources, and connections that might help you feel more confident about your future. ### 7. **Explore New Communities** - **Local Events:** Attend local events or meetups related to your interests. This can help you find new friends and rebuild a sense of community. - **Volunteering:** Volunteering for causes you care about can also provide a sense of purpose and introduce you to new people. ### 8. **Mental Health Support** - **Therapy:** Continue with therapy and consider discussing these specific issues with your therapist. They might have additional strategies tailored to your needs. - **Mindfulness:** Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help manage stress and improve emotional regulation. ### 9. **Stay Connected with Family** - **Regular Check-ins:** Schedule regular check-ins with your family. Even brief conversations can help maintain a sense of connection and support. - **Shared Activities:** Find shared activities you can do virtually, like watching a movie together or having a family game night online. ### 10. **Professional Help** - **Diagnosis and Treatment:** Continue pursuing a diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Advocate for yourself and seek out professionals who understand the challenges faced by Black neurodivergent individuals. ### 11. **Financial Concerns** - **Financial Planning:** Seek financial advice if possible. There may be resources or strategies you haven't yet explored that can alleviate some financial stress. - **Scholarships and Grants:** Look into scholarships, grants, or fellowships that might be available for students in your field. ### Final Thoughts It's clear you're facing a lot of challenges, but recognizing them is a crucial first step. You're already doing a lot by seeking therapy and reaching out for advice. Remember, it's okay to take things one step at a time and seek out the support you need. You deserve to be heard, understood, and supported as you navigate this period of your life.