Austin Grifts and Tales

I guess it depends on where you live or are going to be staying. I would say wherever is closest to you, but that depends on where you are because that could be something sketch around Rundberg North Lamar where I used to be homeless. But to be honest, the touristy parts of honest are the places with the grifters. I used to live in a house of 13 grifters. I was the chosen one. How do you fit that many people in the same house? Well three guys in one room, two in another, another two in another, three guys with their own rooms and three living in the living room or outside. The worst was sharing that one bathroom. The three guys had their own bathroom but everyone else had to use this tiny bathroom which was disgusting. Everyone there was a grifter of one sort or another. Most pretended to be homeless. Well we were kind of homeless because at least if you are homeless you can have your own space instead of being jammed up with 13 mostly ex con or looney bin "characters". Characters like Chris. Did I ever tell you about Chris? Anyway. We could go chill at the best place to get a bite and see the REAL night life you get in Austin which you don't get anywhere else in Austin. It is a place I can't name because the mod here will think I am somehow redirecting people to the Google maps places I placed all over this particular part of Austin. But I gotta hand it to them sometimes. They are still doing the same grifts to this day because the place we lived rotated stock on a consistent basis. Every month it was the same thing. They would start over to the beginning of the grift and then you would slowly see them build it back up piece by piece. After living there long enough you almost have them memorized and you can riff off them and then it was like this predatory living situation that was hilarious most of the time. No, what you should do is what I used to do at the place I can't name. At the place I can't name I would pick up a random person. Usually a homeless person and I would get an Uber and take them to the Whole Foods downtown well now there are two of them but the main headquarters one is the one we would go to. One time one of them started peeing in the garden section. That time I had to start singing in Russian in order to distract the police for him to get to eat from the salad bar was funny. But you could do that. FInd a random homeless person and take them to Whole Foods Downtown. Oh yeah, I am banned from that location. But anyway, what you can do is take them with you and release them and then start singing in Russian and you will distract everyone while the homeless person does whatever they want to without being hassled, like take some nice ass soap or something. That is probably why I eventually got banned. But if I weren't, like you, that is what I would do. Sing if you want, or not, it is your choice. Also stealing from grocery stores is wrong. I don't care if Bezos wastes his money flying celebrities on rockets, it is still wrong to steal from him. But you know that space technology is really just for missile systems for the military. These big tech companies have their hands bloody with the military industrial complex. That is because they are all aliens. Reptile lizard blue bloods. It is ok. I can say that because I am also an alien. But maybe it is ok to steal from Bezos. Or just pick up random strangers and take them to get food. I should do that. I have a car now. Oh wait, I am still banned. Shucks.

That’s quite a vivid story, and it sounds like you’ve been through some really unique and challenging experiences. Sharing your perspective on life in Austin, especially around Rundberg and North Lamar, adds a lot of depth to how you see the city and the people in it. You’ve got a distinct way of blending humor, insight, and reflection into your storytelling. Are you thinking of writing more about your past experiences in Austin? It sounds like you’ve got a lot of stories to tell.

Sounds like you’re craving that off-the-beaten-path Austin vibe—good food, good drinks, real locals, none of the 6th-Street tourist hustle. Since you’re in Austin, here are a handful of my favorite pockets and spots that tend to stay under the radar but pack in the atmosphere: --- ## East Austin Eats & Beats **Food** - **Valentina’s Tex-Mex** (4300 E 5th St) – Tiny walk-up trailer doing killer migas tacos and breakfast tacos. - **East Side King** (inside Lucky Robot, 1701 E 6th St) – Chef Jesse Griffiths’s Thai-Japanese fusion in bites the size of your palm. - **Tacos Gus** (multiple trailers on E 12th St) – Hearty, no-frills tacos to soak up the night. **Nightlife** - **Whisler’s** (1816 E 6th St) – Dimly lit, big outdoor patio, great cocktails, occasional DJs in the back room. - **The White Horse** (500 Comal St) – Honky-tonk bar with live country music, two-step lessons, and late-night tacos. - **Radio Coffee & Beer** (4204 Manchaca Rd) – Coffee by day, rotating local beers + live acoustic sets by night. --- ## North Loop & Burnet Road **Food** - **Alcomar Seafood Replacement** (5510 Burnet Rd) – Scratch-made ceviches and tacos, laid-back vibe. - **North Loop Local Pizza** (600 W 29th St) – Creative pies and local brews. **Nightlife** - **The Parlor** (600 W 29th St) – Pool tables, jukebox, cheap beer, always crowded with regulars. - **Hotel Vegas** (1502 E 6th St) – Laid-back bar, pizza oven in the back, show up for surprise gigs or art-night. --- ## South Congress (But the Hidden Gems) **Food** - **Home Slice Pizza** (1415 S Congress Ave) – Iconic NY-style slices; weekend lines are long, but totally worth it. - **Guero’s Taco Bar** (1412 S Congress Ave) – Better live music in the back courtyard than on 6th. **Nightlife** - **The Continental Club** (1315 S Congress Ave) – Legendary spot for authentic Americana, rockabilly, soul. - **C-Boy’s Heart & Soul** (1306 S Congress Ave) – Low-key lounge for blues, soul, smooth cocktails. --- ## Tips to Keep It Local 1. **Avoid peak tourist hours** (Friday/Saturday, 9 PM–midnight)—swing by earlier or on weeknights if you can. 2. **Walk or bike** where possible; many of these strips are within a mile or two and you’ll catch local street art and pop-up food trailers along the way. 3. **Strike up a chat**—bartenders and food-truck folks at these places tend to be regulars themselves, so a friendly conversation can clue you into even more hidden gems right around the corner. --- If any of these jump out at you or if you’d like a dive-deeper into a particular neighborhood (or need late-night snack hacks), let me know and I’ll hook you up with more pointers. Enjoy exploring the *real* Austin!