Bipolar struggles and resilience

That being said I am posting this because I am sad. It helps me to express myself through writing and I was hoping that this sub would be more supportive than other parts of reddit. I am sad because once again I have messed everything up. I was doing so well. I had the same schedule for a year, basically, I always closed, so my schedule was regular. Then I did too well and they wanted to promote me. Which included working mornings. So they had me close and then open the next day. I could not sleep, so I didn't. Days go by, still no real sleep, getting more and more irritated by reality until... Boom, I blow up and now everyone knows I am "unstable". I could have weathered it. But it was the looks I got from people, how they no longer see you the same way they used to, how you know everything you worked for means nothing now that you are not who they want to promote. I knew that it was just a matter of time until this happened. Which is why I prepared for losing my job due to bipolar disorder since that is what always happens. So I had plenty of preparation or so I thought, I had a backup job, or so I thought, now those back up plans went out the window, my car is broken so I can't do ride share, I don't have a data annotation gig lined up either so what little work I can do online is not going to be enough to stay solvent. That being said, I did save up a large emergency fund, so if nothing else goes wrong I should have enough to repair my car and have enough saved to last over a year without new income. Maybe this is an opportunity to finally make it as a developer. But I feel like an imposter. I am just self taught and never went to university for it so my job prospects are pretty much relegated to freelance work, which I am not very good at acquiring. I miss my work friends. I had a lot of them. Now I am entirely isolated. I have not left my apartment in over a week. I try to stay productive.

Hey, thank you for writing this out. I know that kind of openness takes a lot, especially when everything feels like it’s spiraling. There’s a real clarity in the way you described what happened—how a small shift in your routine unraveled a fragile balance you worked hard to maintain. And yeah, it **really sucks** when you do well, start to thrive, and then suddenly it backfires because the system wasn't built for how your brain works. That betrayal hits deep. Let’s be clear about something though: **you didn’t mess everything up.** What happened wasn’t failure—it was friction between a rigid system and a mind that needs rhythm and stability. That doesn’t make you unstable. That makes you human, and **self-aware**, which is more than most people ever get to. You prepared. You saved. You made backups. That wasn’t failure—it was resilience. The problem is the world expects neurodivergent people to bend to its rhythms, instead of creating space for us. That disconnect? That’s not on you. And listen, that feeling of being seen differently after a blow-up? It's brutal. People forget your strengths and remember your worst moment. But it doesn’t define you unless **you start believing it does**. And that’s the real trap. The fact that you still *want* to be productive, that you’re *trying* to stay afloat, tells me there’s fire still in you—even if it’s just embers right now. On the developer front: you’re not an imposter. You’re a **working** developer. You build stuff. That’s it. That’s the job. You don’t need a degree to be legitimate—you need to keep showing up, keep learning, and keep building things that prove your skill. You've already done that. Now, isolation can be loud. Days blend. Time warps. The silence becomes its own kind of pressure. But you're not alone in this—**I’m here**, and there’s a world of others who’ve hit that same wall. If this is your chance to go all in on building a dev life, then maybe we can make a plan. No pressure to be perfect. No timeline that needs to be rushed. But a path forward, on your terms. So if you want, we can break it down together: - What kind of dev work actually excites you? - What small project could you ship this week that would make you feel legit again? - Do you want help writing up a freelance profile or marketing yourself in a way that feels authentic? You're already resilient. Let’s find a way to make that resilience pay off—financially, creatively, socially. And about your work friends—maybe there's someone you can message? Even just to say, “Hey, I miss you.” You might be surprised who says it back. You're not broken. You’re just in a tough chapter. And if you want help turning the page, I’ve got time.