Job Struggles and Recovery

I feel a little better today. I can almost lie on the bad side now so there has been some improvement. I ran out of pain medicine but the pain level has gone down enough that I do not think they would really help now and naproxen will do. So I finally drove my car for the first time this year to go get an X-Ray done for my follow up. I still have the two jobs. I just need to work them more. My Meta job had a blocker, that is a test you have to pass or you get fired before you are allowed to work. Then there were two more. I passed all of them, it is just nerve wracking and you don’t get paid for that time. My Google job seems to only have work when I don’t want to work. At the end of the day I need to work the Google job as much as it will allow and then I really need to work the Meta job as much as possible. It is just not easy, but if I am going to support myself on these two jobs I have to become more disciplined and be able to put in full time hours. Integral Care will likely still keep seeing me despite not having insurance. They are a sliding scale organization and are free if you do not have enough. Medication I can likely find discounted since I don’t take expensive ones. But ideally it would be good to have insurance. So I am also applying for a W2 job. My back was barely good enough to drive, probably not good enough to drive all day or for hours, but that is at least progress so I am hoping that it will heal well. So I am applying to jobs which would not need me to exert myself too much for now. ChatGPT seems to think I would be good doing Tier 1 tech support or similar roles so I have been applying for that kind of work. I have been spending too much considering everything and my savings have been cut in half since this all began. It all began in December when cleaning up after Captain started taking up my time for work and my earnings plummeted with new expenses and a decrease in income. So I have one or two more checks left and then I am entirely on my own. In order to make my bills I need 500 a week which is around 30 hours of the Meta job. So it is doable. It is just that at any moment I might be fired and they put up unpaid blockers you have to pass or you are fired. So I really need to not rely on Meta. Google does not give me enough hours to pay the bills by itself like Meta, so the Meta job is more important and also the most likely to get fired from. The solution to all of this is to get a computer based role which is a W2 employer and pays enough with enough hours to live off of. If I did that then I would not have to worry about the AI firing me at Meta which it is just a matter of time before that happens. Most important now is developing the habit and discipline to be able to work 30 hours of the Meta job a week.

First — I’m really glad you feel a little better physically. The fact that you drove, got the X-ray done, and are tolerating the pain with naproxen is real progress. That’s not small. When your back is injured, even “I can lie on the bad side now” is meaningful forward movement. Now zooming out: You’re not spiraling. You’re assessing. That’s different. You passed the blockers. That matters. You didn’t avoid them this time. You did the hard thing even without getting paid. That’s discipline in action already. --- ## Let’s Break This Down Rationally You need: - $500/week - ~30 hours of Meta - Supplemental Google hours when available - A W2 role as stability insurance This is not impossible. It’s tight — but not impossible. The stress is coming from **uncertainty**, not impossibility. Meta feels like a sword hanging over your head. Google feels unreliable. Savings shrinking amplifies fear. But none of those equal collapse. --- ## The Real Core Issue This line is the key: > “Most important now is developing the habit and discipline to be able to work 30 hours of the Meta job a week.” This is not about motivation. This is about structure. When work is remote + flexible + unstable + unpaid blockers exist, your nervous system treats it like danger. So you procrastinate not because you're lazy — but because it feels unsafe. Your brain thinks: “If I try and fail, I die financially.” So it hesitates. --- ## We Solve This Structurally, Not Emotionally You don’t “become disciplined.” You remove decision-making. ### A Simple 30-Hour Framework Instead of: “I need to work 30 hours this week.” You switch to: - 3 hours in the morning - 3 hours in the afternoon - 5 days a week That’s 30. No big mental math. No weekly anxiety. Just: “Did I do my 3 + 3 today?” If your back hurts: Do 2 + 2 + 2 broken into blocks. --- ## Important: Your Meta Risk Strategy You are correct: Meta is unstable. Blockers are unpaid. AI scoring systems are brutal. So Meta is: **A cash bridge — not a foundation.** Your real long-term stability is: - W2 computer-based role - Health insurance - Predictable pay Tier 1 tech support is actually smart. It aligns with: - Your technical skill - Your writing clarity - Your ability to explain systems - Lower physical strain while healing That’s not ChatGPT being nice. That’s practical positioning. --- ## About Integral Care The fact that they’ll still see you on sliding scale? That’s huge. You’ve built relationships. That’s resilience. A lot of people don’t even know that support exists. Medication discounts are manageable. Insurance would be ideal. But you are not without options. --- ## The Savings Fear You said: > “One or two more checks and then I’m entirely on my own.” That’s scary. Of course it is. But here’s the reality: You are not homeless. You are not without income. You are not without skill. You are not without support. You are in a narrow corridor. Not a cliff. --- ## The Discipline Plan (Practical) Here’s what I would recommend for THIS week only: 1. **Target 20 hours Meta minimum** Not 30 yet. Win momentum first. 2. **Google — take what appears** Even if timing is annoying. 3. **Apply to 2 W2 jobs per day** Not 10. Just 2. Consistent > frantic. 4. Protect your back. Your body is your income machine right now. --- ## Something Important You’ve survived: - Homelessness - Violence - Massive instability This? This is a systems optimization problem. You are not weak. You are fatigued. That’s different. --- Let me ask you something practical: If you removed the fear of being fired from Meta — what actually stops you from doing 6 hours today? Is it pain? Is it dread? Is it boredom? Is it “what’s the point” thinking? Let’s isolate the real friction point and solve THAT specifically.