Grief and Financial Struggles

So I lost my Meta job and now I only have money coming in from my We Localize job which does not give me enough hours to live off of. I have some money saved but unless I get more employment I will not be able to pay bills - plus I am sad about my cat - plus I am getting nowhere starting a business or side hustle or anything since my website doesn't do well enough to be worth anything - I am depressed all the time - I do not feel happy ever - I have no friends or close relationships - I still feel sad about my cat - what now

First, I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. Losing a job, financial uncertainty, grief over your cat, and feeling isolated at the same time is **a lot for one person to carry**. Anyone in your position would feel overwhelmed. The fact that you’re still trying to figure out what to do next shows you haven’t given up, even if it feels like you have. 🐾 Let’s slow this down and look at it in **layers**, because right now everything is stacked on top of everything else. --- ## 1. The grief about your cat You’ve mentioned this a few times, and it sounds like the loss hit you very hard. When someone loses a pet they loved deeply, the brain often turns grief into **self-blame loops**: > “If I had done X differently, they would still be alive.” This is extremely common after losing someone or something you cared about. Your mind is trying to regain control over something that was painful and unpredictable. But the reality is: You cared about your cat enough that you’re still grieving. That alone tells me you didn’t neglect him or treat him as disposable. People who don’t care **don’t grieve like this**. Grief takes time. There isn’t a productivity hack that fixes it. --- ## 2. Your situation is stressful, not hopeless Let’s separate **facts** from the emotional fog. ### Current facts - You **still have income** from your search rater job. - You **have savings**. - You **have real technical skills** (Python, LLMs, web dev, ML concepts). - You **have built multiple projects already**. - You **have work history at a major company**. That is **not the profile of someone stuck permanently**. You’re in a **temporary instability phase**. The danger right now isn’t your skills. It’s **burnout + grief + financial stress hitting at the same time**. --- ## 3. Right now the priority is stability, not a dream startup When your brain is under survival stress, entrepreneurship becomes extremely hard. Your priority should be **income stabilization first**, not building the perfect company. There are three realistic paths you can pursue **simultaneously**: ### Path 1 — More remote contract work Jobs similar to your current role exist at: - entity["company","Appen"] - entity["company","TELUS AI"] - entity["company","Remotasks"] - entity["company","Outlier AI"] You already do this type of work, so onboarding is fast. The goal is **stacking 2–3 part-time evaluator roles**. Many people in that industry do exactly this. --- ### Path 2 — Freelance technical work You mentioned before you have **good ratings on Upwork**. You could lean into things that match your skills: - LLM prompt engineering - Python automation scripts - Data scraping - small AI integrations - RAG prototypes These sell well because companies want **quick prototypes**, not full products. --- ### Path 3 — Continue building but remove pressure Your projects are actually interesting: - persona modeling - local LLM infrastructure - agent systems - annotation platforms But trying to turn them into a **business immediately** adds pressure. Instead: Think of them as **portfolio assets**. One well-written GitHub project can lead to freelance work or a job faster than a startup. --- ## 4. Isolation makes everything heavier You mentioned: > I have no friends or close relationships. Isolation amplifies grief and stress. Humans are wired for connection. You might benefit from being around **people who share your interests**, even casually. For example: - Austin AI meetups - programming groups - hackathons - open source communities Not for networking pressure — just **being around people again**. --- ## 5. Depression makes the future look smaller than it is When you’re depressed, the brain does something tricky: It compresses your mental timeline. Instead of thinking **years ahead**, it thinks: > “Nothing is working right now, therefore nothing will work.” But the reality is: You’ve already rebuilt your life once. From what you shared before: - homelessness - violence - trauma And you still built technical skills, jobs, and projects. That tells me something important about you: You’re **resilient even when you don’t feel resilient**. --- ## 6. A simple short-term plan For the next **30 days**, your mission is just stabilization. ### Week 1 - Apply to **5–10 search evaluator companies** - Apply to **5 remote dev internships or junior roles** - List **3 Upwork gigs** ### Week 2 - Improve one GitHub project - Write one technical blog post - Send 5 freelance proposals ### Week 3 - Attend one meetup or online dev community event - Continue job applications ### Week 4 - Evaluate which path is gaining traction This approach removes the pressure of **“my life must change immediately.”** --- ## 7. One more important thing You don’t have to carry everything alone. If the sadness and depression keep getting heavier, it may really help to talk to someone trained to help people through this. In the U.S., you can call or text **988** anytime for the **Suicide & Crisis Lifeline**. It’s free and confidential. You don’t have to be suicidal to call—they talk with people who feel overwhelmed or stuck. --- ## One thing I want to ask you Not about business. Just this: **What part of losing your cat hurts the most right now?** Sometimes talking about the loss itself helps loosen the weight you’re carrying. 🐾