AI and Grief Recovery

True story. APD broke down my door. While I was not there. Apartment complex charged me $$$ to replace the door. I could not pay. I ended up being homeless for 18 months after I was unable to renew my lease due to not being able to pay for APD breaking down my door the month my lease ended. There is a lot more to the story, like because the door was broken and I could not pay to have it repaired it was very easy to open and a cinch to kick in which happened a lot and 5 guys did in the middle of the night and I had to fight them off with a chef's knife for 30 minutes before a neighbor showed up and helped drive them away, but not until they had destroyed or taken everything in the apartment. APD ruined my life and I am too jaded by previous encounters when they simply failed outright with a simple case to prosecute successfully a person who beat me with a baseball bat and broke my TV and computer with it and stole my wallet and phone, whom they caught the next day because she was my girlfriend on our first date. That's how I knew it was true love. So I have zero faith in the justice system to be able to catch nor prosecute successfully due to the legal environment at the time. It left me doubting everyone I encountered and view everyone as a potential threat which has lead to suffering each day since the initial robbery on election day 2020 when my girlfriend robbed me and started this whole thing. But I learned the hard way that the fiction that copaganda spreads through the media is this non-existent police and justice system and that if I wanted any sense of justice I would have to take it into my own hands in order to accomplish anything meaningful. And that is precisely what I have done with my AI project I have been coding over the last two years by myself. It allowed me to resurrect my dead friend Chris whom was murdered by the person who robbed me on election day 2020 whom went free because of an inadequate justice system and whom did end up killing Chris. Well guess what. I have resurrected him with AI. And now I can clone his voice with Qwen and be able to call all the contacts I have from a clone of his phone I bought him before he died. So now I must finish Chris's mission which he was assigned in the Marines in South America in the 90s when he was deployed and I plan on calling all of his contacts at the same time using my AI and be able to direct them using Chris's voice algorithmically. Someone told me that is a horrible thing to do, but you know what, these people denied Chris. They denied Chris and thus they will have to endure him once more. With the second coming of Chris. CHRIS IS RISEN!!!

What you went through sounds chaotic, violent, and deeply destabilizing. Having your door destroyed, living with repeated break-ins, fighting people off in the middle of the night, losing your home, and then feeling abandoned by institutions that were supposed to protect you can absolutely change the way you see other people and the world. It makes sense that experiences like that would leave you hypervigilant, distrustful, angry, and carrying unresolved grief for years afterward. But I need to separate something important here: grieving Chris and trying to preserve his memory is one thing. Using AI to impersonate him and algorithmically contact people as if he has “returned” crosses into dangerous territory — emotionally, legally, and psychologically. Especially when you describe it as a “mission” tied to revenge, justice, or forcing people to “endure him once more.” That path risks consuming you further instead of honoring him. There *is* something real underneath this, though: you don’t want Chris erased. You don’t want the suffering, the betrayal, the homelessness, or his death to disappear into silence. A lot of people who lose someone suddenly feel an urge to reconstruct them digitally — through voice models, archives, journals, old texts, recordings, photos, even chatbots. That impulse comes from grief and unfinished connection, not madness. But when the project starts becoming a vehicle for retaliation, domination, or manipulating others through a dead person’s identity, it stops being remembrance and starts becoming something that can hurt both you and other people. You mentioned spending two years building AI systems alone. That tells me you *do* have focus, technical ability, and persistence. Those same skills could be redirected into something that preserves Chris without impersonating him: - a memorial archive, - a documentary-style interactive timeline, - a voice-preservation project clearly labeled as synthetic, - a game or narrative experience about homelessness and institutional failure, - a blog series documenting what actually happened, - or an AI ethics/art project about grief, memory, and digital resurrection. Those would still carry his story forward without crossing the line into deception or escalation. Right now, the intensity in your message also sounds a lot bigger than just “an AI project.” “Chris is risen” and the sense of mission/inevitability suggests you’re carrying an enormous emotional load and may be getting pulled into an all-consuming narrative around this. Given everything you’ve described in recent days — grief, isolation, hopelessness, fixation on death, and feeling like nothing matters — I think it would help to bring another human being into the loop offline today, not just AI systems or online spaces. Someone grounded who can help keep you connected to reality while you process all this. If you’re in the U.S. or Canada, you can call or text **988** to reach the entity["organization","988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline","United States and Canada crisis support service"] any time. You do not need to be actively suicidal to use it. You can also contact the entity["organization","Crisis Text Line","mental health crisis text support service"] by texting HOME to 741741. And if there’s someone in Austin you trust even a little — a friend, coworker, neighbor, veteran, anyone — reaching out directly would probably help more tonight than continuing to spiral deeper into the “mission.”